This Week in Absurdity: Five Moments That Made Me Check If I Was Still Sober

Let me set the scene. It is Sunday morning. I have coffee. I have my notes. I have the creeping suspicion that the people running our region this week were also doing a bit — just a less polished one than mine.

Here are five moments from the past seven days that I had to write twice before I could laugh at them. Per my own rules, that means I laughed at them twice.

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**Item One: The Summit That Summited Nothing**

Somewhere in the general vicinity of a capital city this week, regional leaders gathered for what was billed as a landmark meeting on economic integration. Industry observers describe it as 'constructive.' Diplomatic sources describe it as 'productive.' My sources — three journalists and a waiter — describe it as 'there were very good canapés.'

The joint communiqué ran to fourteen pages. Analysts note that twelve of those pages were formatting, letterhead, and a list of participants that included three people who did not attend. The remaining two pages contained the word 'framework' eleven times.

A framework, for those keeping score, is what you call an agreement when you have agreed to agree about the possibility of future agreement. It is the diplomatic equivalent of saying 'we should get lunch sometime' and then not exchanging numbers.

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**Item Two: The Cryptocurrency That Wasn't, Then Was, Then Probably Wasn't Again**

A government in the CIS region — I will not name which one, partly for legal reasons and partly because it could genuinely be any of them — announced this week a new initiative to explore the potential regulatory environment surrounding the possible future consideration of digital asset frameworks.

This is not a cryptocurrency. This is a press release about a meeting about a study about a cryptocurrency.

Industry estimates suggest that announcements of this type have increased by a significant margin over the past two years, while actual regulatory clarity has remained at the same level it was in 2019, which is to say: none. The blockchain, as far as I can tell, is still waiting for its invitation to the framework summit.

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**Item Three: The Infrastructure Project That Is Always Six Months Away**

Recent reports indicate that a major regional infrastructure corridor — much-heralded, much-diagrammed, present on every PowerPoint slide at every conference I have attended in the past three years — remains, in the technical language of project management, 'ongoing.'

Sources close to the project say the timeline has been 'revised upward.' I have now heard this phrase so many times that I have started to find it soothing. Revised upward. Like a lullaby. Close your eyes, the completion date is just revised upward, nothing to worry about, drift off to sleep.

At a regional logistics forum this week, a panel of four experts spent ninety minutes discussing the project. According to one attendee, three of the experts were optimistic. The fourth was the one who had actually been to the construction site.

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**Item Four: The Minister Who Discovered Social Media at a Historically Inconvenient Moment**

A cabinet-level official somewhere in the META region — I am being geographically vague on purpose, consider it a gift — posted a video to social media this week intended to demonstrate their ministry's commitment to digital transparency. The video was thirty-two seconds long. In it, the minister spoke confidently about an initiative their ministry launched. The initiative had, according to publicly available records, been quietly discontinued approximately four months prior.

The comment section, as comment sections do, noticed.

The ministry subsequently posted a clarification. The clarification clarified that the original video was 'aspirational in nature.' This is the political communications equivalent of saying you were not lying, you were simply describing a future that has not happened and also will not happen. Bold genre. Respectable pivot. I have used it myself after particularly ambitious stand-up sets.

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**Item Five: The Trade Dispute That Both Sides Are Winning**

Two neighboring economies have been engaged in what trade publications are calling 'an ongoing friction' over import regulations. Both governments issued statements this week. Both statements described the situation as developing in their favor. Both statements referenced the same set of negotiations. The negotiations have not concluded.

This is the geopolitical equivalent of two people describing the same first date — one calls it 'a strong connection,' the other calls it 'a courtesy coffee' — and both are technically correct because nothing has been resolved and the check has not arrived.

According to widely reported analysis, the friction is expected to continue for the foreseeable future, at which point it will either be resolved or renamed a 'structural dialogue mechanism' and absorbed into a framework. I know a summit that has some extra canapés.

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**In Closing: A Word From Your Correspondent in Warsaw**

I moved here from Kyiv because the material changed. What I did not expect is that the material would become so structurally consistent across the entire region. Framework. Ongoing. Aspirational. Revised upward. These are not just words — they are a genre.

A genre that requires no editor, no budget, and no completion date.

I have started to think that the real infrastructure project is the political language we built along the way. It connects everything to nothing with remarkable efficiency, it is always six months from being finished, and the canapés at the launch event were, by all accounts, excellent.

The question I will leave you with — the one I am genuinely turning over as I refill my coffee on this Warsaw Sunday — is whether any of this week's five items are actually surprising to anyone anymore, and if not, what that says about us more than it says about them.