This Week in Structural Weakness (Theirs, Not Ours)

Every week I sit down to invent absurdity and every week the wires beat me to it. This week, the wires were not even trying to be subtle.

— 1 —

Russia's Deputy Foreign Minister Alexander Pankin announced on Saturday that EU countries have «exhausted their leverage» over Moscow, citing the «structural weakness of the European bureaucracy.» He said this in an interview with a state news agency — which is to say, a man employed by a government that has lost over 450,000 soldiers since 2022 gave a formal lecture on the concept of structural weakness. The speech was not followed by any recorded moment of reflection.

— 2 —

Leaked data from Russia's own state statistics agency Rosstat — obtained by hackers, because apparently that is now how official government data enters the public domain — shows that the war in Ukraine has become the fourth most common cause of death in Russia since the full-scale invasion began. For context: approximately 6.2 soldiers have been killed for every kilometer of territory gained. A researcher described the Kremlin's recruitment patterns among Russia's smallest ethnic groups as «the extermination of entire nations.» That sentence appeared in the same week that Deputy Foreign Minister Pankin explained who, exactly, is structurally weak. The two items have been placed next to each other here without further comment, because no further comment is available that would improve on the juxtaposition.

— 3 —

Russia's Justice Ministry designated two anti-Kremlin political parties — Peaceful Russia and Rassvet — as «foreign agents» on Friday. Peaceful Russia was founded by exiled opposition figures. Rassvet was founded by a 2024 presidential hopeful. Neither party is officially registered. Russia banned two political parties that do not legally exist, on the grounds that they might, one day, challenge a government that already controls all registered parties. This is the administrative equivalent of banning a rumor by filing a restraining order against weather.

Ilya Yashin, leader of Peaceful Russia, responded by accusing Putin's administration of being the actual foreign agents — serving Chinese interests and turning Russia into «a mere resource appendage of China.» Whether or not this is accurate, it is a remarkable thing to say when the Justice Ministry has just handed you the microphone by trying to silence you.

— 4 —

Meanwhile, the Russian Embassy in Geneva issued a formal statement declaring that Switzerland has «buried its reputation as a universal mediator» and that «Swiss neutrality has actually ceased to exist.» The Embassy attributed this to Switzerland adding 254 individuals and organizations to its sanctions list on November 4. Switzerland, for its part, has not yet responded to the news that its centuries-old geopolitical identity was pronounced dead by the press office of one of the parties it declined to assist. A formal memorial service has not been announced.

It is worth noting that Russia chose Geneva — Switzerland — as the venue through which to announce that Switzerland is no longer a credible venue. The embassy statement was delivered on Swiss soil, using Swiss telecommunications infrastructure, to journalists operating under Swiss press protections. The elegance here is unintentional, which is what makes it elegant.

— 5 —

Europe, meanwhile, has been burning through its gas reserves at a rate that consumed roughly 5% of the summer's injected supply in just ten days, according to reports, entering the heating season with record-low reserves. At the same moment, Russian diplomats and military officials prepared to join talks with the United States and Ukraine in Abu Dhabi — a city that sits atop rather more hydrocarbons than anyone currently negotiating requires. The Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Plant lost external power again this week; backup diesel generators were activated, as they have been before, as they may be again.

Somewhere in this arrangement — Europe cold, the plant dark, the talks beginning in a city of surplus — there is a peace process. It moves, like all peace processes, at a pace that suits everyone who is not currently freezing or fighting.

That's the week. Five items. The discipline, as always, is the point.